I was asked a fascinating question in response to the last couple of blogs on how an inward focused group can become more missional. Basically the question was: what do you do about mission if there is very little sense of community in your group?
Here's a part of my response to the person who asked:
"It sounds to me as though you have a church of existing believers. This is rarely an issue if you are working with new believers or not-yet-believers. If you have approached this in a Luke 10 type context working with a person of peace, you are working with an already existing community. In any situation, you need to ask the Lord about it and do what he tells you. As you seek him he will lead you into more community.
Alan Hirsch also describes something he calls "communitas." It't the sort of fellowship that develops in a stressful situation or around a common task. For example, my father was a prisoner of war during WW2. Until he died, his closest friends were those who had gone through that experience with him. Maybe you could create communitas over a common project together that also reached out into your community. I think of something like working with the homeless, or with kids in need.
Another principle that hinders church multiplication that your comments also touch on is that of sequentialism. David Garrison covers it in his book, Church Planting Movements. You will slow down a work of God if you insist on things being done in a certain order. First we plant a church, then we make sure our meetings run okay, then we develop community, then we reach out. You are much more likely to see growth if you do all of these things together, at the same time.
Having said that, fellowship of the kind you describe rarely comes if all you do is have meetings together with nothing else going on. It is much more likely to come in the rough and tumble of life–sharing meals outside of meetings, going to the movies together, playing games, playing with the kids.
The Lord has a plan for your group and a strategy for your area. As you seek him, he will show you what to do.